Two Sided Me

have just read a friend's blog...
and i can't heelp but think of how i was...

well i guess i was back to my 'other-self'
the numb and senseless person...
who just likes to appreciate the beauty of GOD's creations
and never cared or attempted to somewhat claim one...

guess i just got tired of rejection...
got tired of the feeling...
of loving...

but still i contradict myself;
'there's a lot of love inside me,
a lot of care i wish to share...
but the only problem is...
no one ever dares..'

i do guess that deep inside of me...
i like the thought even the feeling of being 'in-love'...
but is just trying to hide and deny it
for maybe i ain't ready to ache again...

i'm back to the pessimistic me...
the 'indifferent' person...
bitter me...

or maybe i just haven't met my new match...
the girl who'd make me, in a good way, shiver and fall...
a girl that could put a smile on face
with just her glance...
the girl who'd reveal the sweeter side of me...
the loving me...

i don't know...
i just don't know...
but for now.., i'm just trying to live a 'life'...
or so i guess...
if 'living' considers being able to eat and sleep well
with nobody buzzing and bugging my thoughts and dreams...