Warmth For Winter

a few more days and it's christmas..!
joyous days are here..!
can't wait to have fun, to pig-out,
and feel like a child again...
it's always this time of the year that i feel a certain joy within me...

just a year ago... or so i guess...
when i tried to tell her that i like her...
though i did it jokingly...

for i thought it was quite my chance to tell her how i feel..,
when she, out of nowhere, sighed..;
'malamig na pasko 'to...',
to me and a few classmates while chatting online...

'bakit mo naman nasabi..?', i asked...
'kasi alang special someone e...
pero okay lang.., nadyan naman friends and family ko', was her reply...

i told myself.., 'this may be my chance.., why not give it a try..?!'..
so i asked her.., 'kung gusto mo tayo muna..?! kahit this season lang..? hehe..'
what was her reply..???? colder than the season..,
'heh! tumigil ka nga dyan..!'.

and since that night.., everytime i'd see her in school..
i always teasingly ask her to accept that proposal...

i just like her then..
and never thought of loving and courting her...
but such an idiot i was..,
that i overpushed myself and fell for my own foolishness...
i just suddenly realized, from out of nowhere,
that i love her...

i don't know when,
i don't know where...
all i know is that,
i loved her sinced then...

then came my days of 'gift giving..',
gifts for no occassion...
hoping to see even a weak smile on her face..,
a sign of appreciation...
yet i don't know if they were ever appreciated...

sigh...
oh well... at least i didn't have a 'cold' christmas that year..
for i had her as my special special someone...

i just don't know if she felt the warmth she was asking for..,
the warmth i tried to offer her...
if i was ever treated as a 'special someone'...

well.., i believe not...
in no way was i special to her...
i never will be..,
even 'til eternity...